i want more! (immorerealler) wrote,
i want more!

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my weekend pitty party is over. i gave myself until sunday night to stop the pessimism and being so damn sad. truthfully, a lot of my re-found happiness had to do with being able to talk to sharon last night and get a lot of my thoughts out and have someone who knows my ability to be ka-razy and overly sensitive help me remember that i'm always going to be okay.

even though i have people around me who i could talk to, its just different when you talk to someone who has known you longer than everyone else, and especially knew you before you got lost in whatever bullshit that's bothering you. that's also why i really appreciated being able to talk to tom and jenny on saturday too. after 26 years of being an only child, and recognizing that i can't talk to my parents about anything, i've made a habit out of trying to council myself, solve my own problems, and being my own filter and band-aid, but that junk is so hard especially when things start to pile up so quickly.

i started to have anxiety attacks because i felt really lonely and lost. as far as my immediate circle of people i see on a regular basis, all i kept focusing on was that the friends who help me when i can't help myself weren't here and i needed them badly. my first instinct was to call ian because yeah, we dated for awhile, but out of who i mostly deal with in jax, he's known me the longest, but that's all retarded and jacked up right now. we gotta tip-toe around old titles and old feelings and play phone tag and be all edgy for 6 cosmo (magazine) months before a real conversation can be had and everyone can be all normal again.

but yeah, everything is gonna be fine. now i'll focus on finding a new job and looking new cute boys. if you have any leads on either, hit me up.

and to Chris and Amy-
thank you both for being really great, creative and inspirational people. i'm gonna miss you both a lot. its really great to see two people who have brains get together and work it out well. i'll eventually travel to atlanta to see you guys (and kari) after you guys get settled. be safe, and if i don't see you guys before you leave, i'll see you soon.

keep in touch.

yesterday i had an epiphany that i really enjoy john mayer's music- you can blame it on whatever you want, but my stupid mouth and why georgia are are good songs.

I wonder sometimes
About the outcome
Of a still verdictless life
Am I living it right
Am I living it right
Am I living it right
Why, why georgia, why

So what so Ive got a smile on
Its hiding the quiet superstitions in my head

Dont believe me
Dont believe me
When I say Ive got it down

so what!?!?
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